


Six Degrees of Separation

by LuckyIzzy



Series: Ironically Strange [12]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, F/M, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 00:32:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16006544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuckyIzzy/pseuds/LuckyIzzy
Summary: How can he heal a heart that is not only broken, but shattered beyond repair?





	Six Degrees of Separation

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Six Degrees of Separation by The Script.

_Stephen Strange, you can do it.  
You are not that sentimental, you are not that weak. You know the drill. You watched the movies, read enough books to know what it feels like, to know what to do now. It is only for a few days, then everything will be just fine, just like before._

That is what he tells himself. It does not work, but still better than doing nothing. 

Better to take it off his mind then. He trains harder, reads more books, practices more sorcery. But everyday, every single day when he goes to sleep, there is always Tony Stark in his mind and bitterness sits on his chest, choking life out of him. His hands shake more than usual. He yearns for Tony's warmth next to the empty cold space next to his.

When he went to Kamar-Taj, he had given up drinking. He occasionally had drink, for formal occasions, not a drop more than necessary. Now he drinks regularly. Staying awake in the dark of night is painful, without alcohol induced sleep, dreams are harder. He knows he might be ruining his liver, but he cannot bring himself to care. He hates he is acting like some teenager getting rejected by his first love. He knows he should put an end to this, yet he cannot. He hates how desperate he is.

 

When he fell in love with Tony Stark, he knew it would never be reciprocated. He had become used to live with it. But then Tony had kissed him, they had been together and Stephen could not but hope that it was something more, maybe Tony really meant the words he had said, that they were not just heat of the moment.

Now he remembers, Tony never told him he loved him. 

He feels like an utter idiot.

 

Peter asks, “Are you okay, Doctor Strange?”  
Stephen smiles slightly, even though his heart is tearing itself up inside him, “I have never been better, what about you?”

He does not feel guilty at all for lying to a kid. 

 

When Tony had told him he was going to break up. Stephen had swallowed down his cry and just stared at him blankly.  
Tony scratched the back of his neck, “It is Pepper, we are back again. We are getting married.” His face beamed, “Stark Industries needs a heir, and now she has come to understand that Iron Man and I are one.”  
When Stephen said nothing, Tony asked hesitantly, “You understand, right Stephen?”  
No he does not.  
Stephen nodded slowly, “Of course.”

Stephen thought to himself, what is the worst that can happen? A broken heart? It was not big deal. Thousands of couple were probably breaking up around the world everyday. It was for the best.

When he curls into himself, feeling broken and lonelier than ever, it seems like a big enough deal. He howls into the pillow, muffling his gasps and his heart twists. He cannot breathe, he feels like puking everything. He punches the wall with his already broken hands. It hurts, it hurts so much that it numbs the pain inside him temporarily. Wong sees his dark eye patches, hears the noises, but never asks him about it. He was never one to intrude into someone’s privacy.

Then Tony invites him to his wedding. He watches Tony and Pepper walks down the aisle. A happy couple, smiling and laughing, their eyes filled with love for each other.  
He feels his world coming crashing down in front of him. There was the part of him that had selfishly kept on hoping that Tony might come. The realization that Tony would never be his hits him like a storm.  
All breathe leave him, he feels like collapsing right there. He does not though. Instead he smiles and claps his hands, even wishes the best for the newlywed and compliments how they look great with each other. In reality, he wishes so bad that the one walking down the aisle with Tony would be him.

 

Ah, now that he is starting to accept that Tony would never be his, it would take a while, but he is going to be fine. Just he needs to give himself a bit of time. He cuts down alcohol intakes, trains some newbies, goes out to have a proper meal with wong. Everything is going to be fine. He throws out all the things Tony had given him. He had kept those out of sentiments. He thinks it is time to let go.

 

Then one day, he is sitting in a restaurant. The TV on the wall shows Tony and Pepper in an interview. Tony has his arms loosely looped around Pepper’s waist. When the interviewer asks about their honeymoon, Pepper giggles and turns red. Tony winks and leans in to peck on Pepper’s cheek. Then all three of them laughs.

His hands tremble so much, he drops the fork. Even the scent of the delicious meal makes him stomach churn. It feels tasteless. 

He comes home, throws up and once again curls into himself on his bed in anguish. His cloak wraps around him soothingly.

_Ah, how stupid had he been to hope that getting over would be so easy._

He pushes himself further. Most of the days he cannot even stand on his two legs anymore. It is actually good because he literally passes out, drifting into a dreamless sleep. Sometimes he wonders if he should remove all those memories, but he cannot bring himself to.

 

He wants to leave. A little longer, he tells himself. It is another of Avenger’s party with Tony as the host. Tony grins wide as he talks with everyone. He had welcomed everyone with Pepper in a bright red dress by his side. She must have mingled with her friends. 

Stephen likes Tony’s laughter, he really thinks Anthony Stark really deserves all the happiness the world can offer, he knows how much Tony has gone through for the universe, he really was the _Earth’s Best Defender_.

But then Tony giggles as he crashes on to him, drunk. 

Then they stumble to a corner away from the prying eyes. Tony giggles and laughs some more and wraps his hands around Stephen.  
Stephen feels dizzy and it is not the drink he had.

Then Tony sloppily kisses him, just like before. Stephen knew it was wrong, he might be taking advantage of him, yet he kissed him back, without hesitation.  
Because he is that far gone.

When their tongues touch each other, Stephen forces himself back to reality. It does not matter whether he needed it or not, he cannot not do it.

He cannot do it to Tony and Pepper. They did not deserve that for someone like him.

 

He pushes Tony back, steps out and opens the portal to his room and slides on the room. 

His eye are itchy and warm, there is a lump stuck in his throat.

His heart is shattered beyond repair.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to point out any mistakes as it is unbeta-ed.  
> Much love <3


End file.
